Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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