Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
