Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
