I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
My sheets look like a crime scene.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
