yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
