If i come over, it means nothing
It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
