BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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