hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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