she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
