I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
