no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
