I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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