I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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