i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
