so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
And then he peed in my hair
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