pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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