you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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