Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
