Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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