I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
