And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
You have to summon your inner elephant
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
