In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
