Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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