The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize