dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize