I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
