I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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