dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
