i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
