im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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