please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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