I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize