I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
