Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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