We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I have fence marks all over my body
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
