Just fell off a train. Bad.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
