I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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