I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
