Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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