You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
