She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
