Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
They are going to name an STD after you.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
