No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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