While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
