Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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