mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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