Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
