a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I need water and some morals
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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