My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
