I didn't shave. On purpose
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
