All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
