dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
