I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
