508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm too high and old for this...
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
