I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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