I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize