scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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