...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
and you said cock pushups were impossible
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
