wakey wakey hands off snakey
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
