Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
