brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i need an iv and a liver transplant
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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