the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
