The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
